Where is my fall?

Virginia. The Shenandoah Valley. Skyline Drive. What do these things have in common?

They're all supposed to be beautiful during fall. Fall foliage - people drive for miles to see our beautiful landscape.

But this year, it's crap. We've not had much rain, so unfortunately, a lot of trees have already turned brown. Around town, there have been some stunning yellows and reds, but not nearly as many as there should be. And I've read that the fall foliage peaked this weekend.

Yuck.

In addition, temperatures soared into the mid-80s yesterday, today, and supposedly will tomorrow.

I WANT MY FALL!!!!!

Eh.

I am now typing on my hubby's laptop. For the past month, it has been in the shop because the fan died, and when the fan died, the computer won't start up. Smart. The company didn't tell us until they'd had it a week that they had to order the fan from China, and there was no way to track it. So, fast forward a month, and here we are with a new fan in the computer. My hubby has his new desktop, I have his laptop, and things are ship-shape.

And while I am happy to be typing again on a computer that has a nice big screen and is not 11 years old (and fat and a little uncomfy), I think I may need to put this blogging thing on hold. See, I've been reading a lot of blogs ever since I went overseas, like The Simple Dollar, Mrs. Moneysaver, JustCara, General Blather, Get Rich Slowly, and Logtar's Blog, just to name a few (and I really do mean a few). I am a big fan of these blogs, but lately, writing my own just hasn't been as cathartic, or as interesting, as it had been. In order to have a sustainable audience, you need content and to be consistent. Right now, I've been neither of these things. And some things I think about don't need to be publicized for all to read. Like, for instance:

Is there ever a time in life where you don't question where you're going? There was a time I enjoyed the journey, but lately, it hasn't been as fun. I think it's because I don't know where I'm going. I see no purpose.

Will I ever find a job I like? I'm done being someone else's bitch, which is really how I've felt in this current position. Nothing I do is ever right. I don't answer the phone the right way. I don't save the Excel spreadsheets in the correct format. I print in color (gasp). I realize that the micromanaging boss is doing his job, but it is a real drag to go to a job where people don't think you're valuable and they never point out what you're doing right, only what you're doing "wrong". I have a subscription to Inc. magazine, and today I opened it up to read about companies people actually like to work for. I would like to belong to a place like that, but I'm finding it difficult to believe they actually exist. I also think starting a company would be great fun - and a ton of work - but not being a business person, I don't know where to begin going about it.

Will I ever find a church to belong to? One where people aren't just Sunday Christians, who are shitty to people during the week but think they're forgiven because they show up to zone out for an hour? And a place where I can swear with people nearby and they don't take offense or get all bent out of shape?

I guess the general theme here is, where do I belong?

Oh dear, where has the time gone?

Well, hello there! I didn't realize I hadn't posted anything here since April until Pomegranate said she went to the site and I hadn't posted anything since April. Oops. My bad.

Not entirely my fault, though. The main computer died, so my 11 year old dinosaur has been put into play and been taken over by my husband, who uses it all day long. I go to bed at 9 p.m. (I like my sleep). So there isn't much time for me to use it.

One set of in-laws visited a few weeks ago. Maybe a month ago now...and it rained the entire time. Muggy. Not quite pleasant. We tried driving on Skyline Drive. Waste of time because we couldn't see anything.

I found a hairstylist in Charlottesville that I love. Friendly, personable, and she cut my hair just the way I wanted it without any pictures. I will be going back.

We made it up to Chantilly to the new air and space museum, but I haven't gotten pictures off of my camera yet. But I got to see the space shuttle Enterprise. Discovery will be coming our way soon. I'm stoked.

We rearranged rooms in the house. The office is now in the basement, where it's cooler and larger. The hubby likes it a lot. And I do too, come to think of it, though I haven't been down here more than 30 minutes at a time. It helps that we have large windows so it doesn't really feel like a basement. It's technically the first floor of our home.

The construction job is still going. The happy corporate boss is a micromanager, and unfortunately, I don't really care for him. The site is getting busier and busier now. Drywall is up, trim is going in, painters are painting. Before you know it, the site will be done!

End of Week One.

Well, Dear Reader,

Here we are, again. This time I'm here to update you.

I got a job. A real, honest to goodness job. A 40 hour-a-week job, a you-don't-get-vacation-until-90-days job.

I'm an admin assistant on a construction site.

I'm overqualified. The reason I know this, in part, is because during my phone interview last week, the lady I replaced said, "You're overqualified." When I got to the wood-paneled trailer for my interview, my new boss said, "You're overqualified."

Yes, I know. But this job was one I applied to after thinking, Hey, this might be fun. And it'll get me away from the screaming children who live on the deck next door to me who do not know what a normal bedtime is for children.

It was the most bizarre interview I've ever had. Fun, yet not quite professional. Questions HR departments would be embarrassed to hear about, but I have a sense of humor and didn't bat an eye. The best (and legal) question I got was, "Have you had any experience around construction guys?" Apparently my 14 years in law firms with attorneys made them nervous that I couldn't handle heckling from the crews or give anyone a piece of my mind should the need arise.

Are they in for a shock. Sometimes, you'd think I was a sailor with the things that can come out of my mouth. I reserve those times for those closest to me, obviously. Or, if you've really pissed me off.

I landed the job that day, though I didn't know until my boss called me up about a half hour after I left the job site. And on Tuesday, I did some training in the corporate office an hour away, and had the last three days in the office with the admin I replaced. It's a lot of information. Scary words like "OSHA inspection" and "blemish that stays on your record for life" and "Porta John" (thankfully, I have my own). Guys who clean splinters out of their hands with pocket knives. Some who don't speak English. Tons of dirt, dust, and loose nails. Blueprints. Drills. Forklifts in yellow and green. Yes, green! Purchase orders, progress meetings, requests for information.

On Wednesday afternoon, I was a little flustered after the admin told me to go use the bathroom, and one of the bosses from the corporate office called, and I blanked on the name of the company. "Hello," I beamed and giggled nervously into the phone, "this is Melinda." The next day, I accidentally hung up on the same guy while trying to take off the mute button. He looks like a judge on The Wire, so I can't help but think he's a happy man. I hope I'm right. I think I am.

My boss, the superintendent, is 35, and also a farmer. He looks more seasoned. One of his cows had a calf today. The boss has long sandy colored hair that he always wears in a ponytail, and he has a belt buckle given to him by a friend that is maroon with a creme-colored imprint of guitar pegs in the middle. He's quite funny, loves coffee all day long, is pulled in all directions at once, and still manages to keep his cool. And he can take the ribbing from his admins. Like how he was so picky that the admin gave her notice a month ago and it took him 3 weeks to find me so all I got was four days' training.

The admin I'm replacing is fiery, to say the least. A huge flirt, which works well on this job, and about the size of my pinky, even though she eats all. day. long. She was one organized chick, so I have big shoes to fill. But I'm glad not to have to share the desk anymore. Today was a bit long. I hate being micromanaged. I can figure out Excel myself!

The guys....oh, the guys....everyday, the foremen report to me the number of guys they have on site, the time they get there and the time they leave, and what they're doing in the building. I take this information and put it in a daily report for the corporate office. So for the morning, it's relatively busy with guys coming in one after another to check in, and then they go out for the day. Sometimes I walk in the building to see what's going on. Tomorrow I'm to study the blueprints to figure out what everything means. I got a nice compliment today from one of the guys: "For a girl, I think you've done real well on the construction site."

Me and my pink hard hat agree.

I have grown seedlings!

Meet arugula:

And this is a cucumber, with some lettuce seedlings behind it:


I really don't have many problems starting seeds. It's keeping them alive that sometimes gets the better of me. Our weather has turned a little sour, with a high of 47 today and a low of 25 tonight, so my seeds and seedlings have gotten to know the top of my refrigerator quite well. I hope they make it.

If you like mountains, here you go.

These are some pictures I took earlier this week about 5 miles south of town.

Spring.

I've been keeping up with weather reports from the places I've lived and visited, and Arkansas yesterday had a foot of snow and likely some more. KC has some flooding going on, and we had some rain overnight. I'm glad it's been sunny here. This was my view from my hammock on Friday afternoon.


On Saturday morning, I decided that since it was going to be another nice day, I'd get up and photograph the sunrise. Or at least try to find the sunrise for some good shots. These were taken between 7:15 and 7:35 am.




Then I got tired of the same place so decided to drive around a bit, and I ended up taking a turn I didn't think I took and ended up at the new part of the JMU campus. Note the little wind turbine!


We have our seed started all planted and out on the deck, and we also have some chairs and a table out there. So now, not only can I lounge in my hammock, but we can have lunch and dinner outside!

Yesterday we took a trip to Charlottesville, and really, you're going to get tired of me saying it, but I just love the mountains. We drove through the Shenandoah National Forest on our way there, and while still a little drab, the leaves will be here soon enough. And there will be more pictures.

Don't Stop Eating Cake.

So tomorrow's my birthday! "Beware the Ides of March"....uh, beware Melinda's wrath if thou hast no cake!

Why is it birthdays and holidays really seem to be the only time for reflection? Now that I'm not working, I have a lot more time to think. But you know what? Thinking sometimes is unnerving. You have your opinions on politics, fashion, the frou-frou stuff of everyday life, but then when you think about the short journey life really is, neckties start chafing and must be loosened. There's incessant looking at the clock. Fiddling with the hair. All to distract us from the uncomfortableness that is sometimes life.

Stupid me has been feeling uncomfortable for awhile. Back in 2005, right after my divorce, I was fragile. A stiff wind could blow me over, it seemed. But amazingly, I figured out how to open up my own bank accounts, get my car fixed, drive myself everywhere I needed to go, find my own apartment, and pay for myself and my cats. I shed 30 pounds. Funny how two jobs and stress can make you not eat. I even enrolled in dance lessons, which was incredibly scary to me. I hated walking into buildings first; doing it alone, where I knew nobody, made me quite vulnerable. But I learned that I could stand on my own two feet. I didn't need anybody to take care of me. I missed companionship, but I enjoyed living on my own. My mess to clean up. My cats to care for. My safety to worry about. The option to sleep on the couch with popcorn kernels on my shirt if I didn't feel like moving after watching a movie at 2 a.m. Me me me. Freedom.

Fast forward 5 years. I haven't gained back all of the weight, but I'm darn close, and I hate that. Go exercise, Melinda. Check. Doing that. But I want to be thin again NOW! I'm married and enjoying life with my husband, who I adore. We moved to Bosnia, then to Indiana, and now to Virginia. We've had tons of adventures. As of late, adventures are lacking. John is working and dissertating, so he's unavailable much of the time. As it should be. Get 'er done! But my self-worth has been tied up in my job and what I did (as in you go to a party where you know no one and the first thing people ask is, "What do you do?"). It's a hard cycle to escape. I'm not just my job. But I identified really well with it. So what now?

My Auntie Em sent me a book called Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, which I just picked up today. She thought it would help me in my quest to find my self-worth now that I'm not working full-time. The first chapter talks about how nothing mental happens at the beach the first time you visit. You have every intention, but when you sit, your tired body takes over and you relax. It reminded me of cruises I took in my previous life - when you're at sea, grab a chair and watch the waves roll by. If you're lucky, you'll be lulled to sleep by the sound of seaspray and be vaguely aware of shuffleboard nearby.

In my quest to find something, anything, to make me employable, I've forgotten how to just be. I'm a hard worker, and I'm a good worker. Whatever job I'm doing, you can be damn sure I throw myself into it. My stint as a kennel attendant was proof that I could shovel the shit and do a fine job, as my boss applauded my attitude and my work ethic and the ability to remain upright while a golden retriever tried to have his way with me, all the while worrying I'd have a heart attack from all the sweat I produced. (It was August, after all.) I am daunted by the fact that I know there are other hard workers out there. This economy sucks. Which is why I am at last leaving the insanity. I am going o learn to enjoy my time away from office politics. From deadlines imposed on me by others. From being chained to my desk while others roam free. Yes, I am still "wasting" some of my time. I watch too much TV and surf the internet. I worry about money. But I'm doing good things too. I'm babysitting, and I enjoy everything but the dirty diapers, but even those are far and few between. I got a gig typing up some notes for a guy so his attorney's secretary didn't have to. I found out how close I am to the George Washington National Forest. I went to the Air and Space Museum and saw the space shuttle Enterprise. Discovery will be coming this way as well. I am cooking more, and choosing to eat at home more, because I like the food at home better! I'm learning Photoshop, and I am amazed at what this program can do to pictures. I call my grandmother more often. (But not on any schedule because I like to keep her guessing.) And I am boning up on entrepreneurship because in this economy, it seems that you can only rely on yourself. It's funny - back in 2001, we had a recession. But because I had a job, I didn't even notice it. I felt bad for those who weren't working, but it didn't affect me. This time, I notice the effects. But perhaps it's the kick I needed to get my business brain on. Making bracelets when I was a kid, teaching violin lessons as a teen...how odd to not notice a trend for years. I crave freedom and the ability to do what I want when I want. So, I'm going to stop being stupid. I'm going to invision waves lapping at my feet and maybe being 10 pounds thinner so I don't worry about how I look in a bathing suit. Then, it will happen. I'm going to relax. I'm going to figure out, really figure out, what I want to do (I have an inkling, but I'm not willing to share just yet). It'll be hard, but I'm going to stop worrying so much. Stop laughing John, I'm going to! I'm still going to watch TV, but maybe a little less so I can think and be uncomfortable, have an "Aha!" moment, then feel good that I didn't zone out.

And I'm going to go eat more cake. 'Tis my birth month, after all.

And just like that, a post.

On top of a post. How about that?

Writing certainly is cathartic. As soon as something is up and out on paper, it makes room for other thoughts.

A week or so ago, I reactivated my Netflix account. We'd deactivated it a few months ago due to the move and not having enough time to enjoy movies, but last week decided that we could start the streaming movies again. John enjoys 30 Rock, while I started with season one of Deadliest Catch. I'd seen other seasons, but the first three I missed.

This was one "reality show" that I never in a million years thought I'd like. I don't eat fish or crustaceans of any kind, so the idea of watching crab fishermen catch snow crab (also known as king crab) or opilio crab never entered my stream of consciousness. I knew that people fished for them, but I had no idea what really goes on to get these things. And I didn't really care. But I do like boats, and my family grew up on lakes in Iowa (man made, of course), and one of my earliest memories is tipping over a catamaran and getting stuck under part of it and thinking, Wow, that was fun. Maybe it wouldn't have been if we didn't practice water safety and my Garfield life vest wasn't strapped on, but I was floating and had no problems. So one day, when I flipped through channels and saw guys who looked a little like crab in their orange coats and pants get pummeled with waves, I was intrigued. And then I was hooked.

My favorite boat is the Northwestern. It took awhile to figure out my favorite boat because they're all great (Cornelia Marie, Wizard, and Time Bandit whose captain Johnathan reminds me of my sister's fiance, plus many other boats in different seasons), but the comraderie on the Northwestern is what I really like to see. There are three brothers, Sig (captain), Edgar (deck boss/engineer), and Norman (deckhand but not on all the time). Sig is pretty matter of fact and even-keeled. Edgar is a little edgier, and quite sarcastic. Both really enjoy their jobs. They have two other deckhands, Matt and Nick, and a greenhorn-turned-deckhand, Jake. Jake's goal the entire season was to get a Northwestern jacket. He "worked the rail" (threw the hook that gets the line to bring in the pots) in his long underwear after losing a bet to Sig. He tried to eat a heart from a fish after Edgar did it. He lost his lunch. But at the end of the season, he got the jacket off of Sig's back, and it was really nice to watch. Jake was so happy that he hugged Sig. Now, Sig is not the touchy-feely type with his guys. He never shakes the hand of a greenhorn, so to be hugged, and to reciprocate, was very touching to watch, and it reminded me of what I don't have: a dad.

My father was rough around the edges, to say the least. He was a Marine, having been stationed in Okinawa. (I credit both him and my mom for my sense of adventure and travel.) He was a high-school dropout who earned his GED. He was a truck driver. He was a foundry worker. He was a houseparent for adults with MR/DD. He was an alcoholic. Early in my life, I didn't really notice his alcoholism, but as I got older, I saw signs. I became happy when he was a truck driver and gone for long periods of time and it was just me and my mom. I dreaded weekends because he would drown himself in Old Spice and gold chains and go out with friends and come home swearing and obnoxious. More than once I woke up to fights between he and Mom. Very few times was he a happy drunk, but when he was, he was entertaining. Charismatic. Christmastime was magical. He would have the lights dimmed (we had dimmers everywhere), the tree would be sparkling with its starry lights and tons of tinsel to hide the bare spots, Ray Conniff Singers playing on the record player, and egg nog with rum? (I'm guessing). I loved him.

Watching Deadliest Catch, I see parts of my dad in these guys: hard-working. Crusty. Determined to make a living (although my dad spent most of what he made). Sometimes funny. And those are the parts that I miss.

My dad and I had a parting of ways when I was 17, not long after my mother died. Call it what you will, but from that moment on, I felt like an orphan. There was a time when my dad tried to initiate contact, but at tat time, he was on Wife #5 and hadn't tried to communicate with me at all while I was in college and really could've used some help, so I held a grudge. Later, when I heard he was diagnosed with lung cancer, I wrote him a long letter, which was returned with a hateful letter and all of my school pictures growing up. He died a week before Christmas in 2006. I normally don't think about him, or have any regrets because I said what I needed to say when I needed to say it. But watching these guys with their families and deckhands at the end of the season, when they all say hello and goodbye, I missed him. I miss his whiskers (what I called his beard) tickling my cheek. I miss his protectiveness. I miss his piano skills (he could really play, and the piano is one instrument I picked up only in college except for dabbling on his keyboard). I miss boating and learning how to train our dogs. I miss his black lunch box that he took to work, sometimes without a Hostess cherry pie because he gave it to me. On certain occasions, I could tell he was proud of me, and I miss that. I miss being a daughter. Even though we said our goodbyes a long time ago, I still grieve for what's never been: an adult daughter with her father. It's funny that feelings would be stirred up by a show I never thought I would come to adore.

Content and content.

I read a lot of blogs. They run the gamut, between a frugal guy and an Indian guy trying to teach people how to be rich. From a guy who writes about just about anything to a lady who talks about couponing. Career advice here and here. Bicycle riding in Alaska. Nurse follies and stories that make me laugh and wish that when I have to go to the hospital, I get this chick. Old stories about Russia and certain billboards in KC thanks to Meesha. Dan and his beer. Cara and her wit and sharp tongue. Pom and her Beebs. What do all of these blogs have in common?

Content.

In an age where personal branding is the latest catchphrase, perhaps unbeknownst to them, they all have a personal brand - Logtar is introspective. Jill is a cyclist-turned-mountain-climber at present who takes beautiful landscape pictures. Ramit is an in-your-face guy who takes no prisoners when it comes to teaching people about money. They all have content. When you go to their blog, you know what you're going to get. That's one reason they're all successful bloggers and have an audience.

My last blog had a lot of great content (yes, that's me, tooting my own horn). I started it, intending to keep people who were Stateside up-to-date on my latest adventures while living in Sarajevo. It had a purpose, and others found it and I made some new friends (who are incidentally back in Sarajevo for the time being, and I'm quite green). But as of late, with this new blog, I've hit a bit of a roadblock. What should my content be? What should my personal brand be? What do I want people to think when they think of my blog?

But this goes further than the blog. This personal branding business is affecting my life. I have been in Virginia for two months now, and for two months, I have been out of work. There is a recession going on, I get that. And right now, we're lucky that I'm not forced to work a job I hate just so I have a paycheck (though with the veterinary bills the past two months, a job would have really been nice). There have been some jobs that look interesting to me, so I apply. But one job I applied for had 200 applicants. In a town of 47,000 people where 20,000 are college students, there don't seem to be too many jobs. So I fret a little, but I understood the deal when we moved. But not having a job, while freeing, also makes it difficult to write here - what do I write about? Will a potential employer find me and therefore decide not to hire me because of what or how I write? What do I want people to know about me? What do I want them to think of when they think of me? Should I attempt a freelance sort of business and forget the business world?

This all leads to not feeling content, and not having content. If I can't figure out what my personal brand is on my own blog, can I really get a job, even though I have fantastic skills? Especially when competing with people who have more experience and/or advanced degrees?

I intend to post pictures, but right now, snow is what we've got. It's boring and not crisp. I can't get into the mountains yet to do some exploring. I want to be somewhat personal, but can't figure out where to draw the line. I'm not an expert in any one thing except worrying. So what the hell do I write about? I'm afraid it's just going to have to be random, and you're going to have to bear with me. I feel like I'm still in my winter slumber, just starting to wake up, and I'm getting hungry.

More from the east.

Please send sun.

Out the front door:

The drift on the side of our drive.

Neighbor's car:

Me doing battle. Don't I look a bit stuffy? John's snow pants came in handy.


Windy and wet snow today. We are 28 hours into a 40 hour storm. 12 more to go!

Hunkered Down.

Here in the Shenandoah Valley, we are getting pummeled with snow. Both John and I have gone out and shoveled our drive today, he this afternoon and me this evening. Wet snow. Heavy on bottom, light on top...kinda like how some people are built. I think by now we've probably had about 9 inches of snow, and when you don't have to drive in it, it's very pretty. It was about 31 degrees outside when I shoveled, so I didn't even bother wearing a coat (I also couldn't find my ski coat). Tomorrow will be much colder, and the storm isn't supposed to let up until tomorrow night. Anyway, here are some time-lapse photos taken of the snow on our deck.

9 am:


12 pm:
1 pm:
2 pm:
3 pm:I took a nap.

5 pm:
This is after the deck has been shoveled. 8 pm:
I cranked up the heat to 67, just in case we lose power. It's a sauna upstairs! And now, time for bed.

It's going to snow. Again!

Well, we missed the big storm in December that dropped 20 inches on my new city. Over the weekend, we got about 6 inches of snow. Then it started melting, which was nice. Yesterday, we got a few more inches, which was not so nice, but the roads are pretty clear today. School still got canceled, and there aren't many people out. I was told that this weekend, thanks to the Texas storm, we're supposed to get hit with 14 inches of snow. Would this be a good time to get out of dodge and head to KC?!

We have most of our provisions set. We could use some more milk, but I can get that today after I pick up the hubby from work. Rewind needs a refill of his eye drops. I tell ya, the vet would NEVER believe that he lets me pick his eye boogers out of his crusty eye so he can open it. He's that patient with me. It's taken time to develop the trust, but once he realizes what I'm doing isn't hurting, he's just fine with it. And here I was, ready to cut my nails, but it turns out they come in handy for this job. (And yes, I think it's rather gross, but I also think baby poop is gross, but you deal with it, yes? Yes.)

And speaking of jobs, I am still jobless, and going less crazy about it. It's nice to be home. I'm here when the maintenance people come. I get my packages from UPS right away. Sometimes I even greet the mailman. Of course, I get to hear the screaming lady who sounds like a chicken when she yells at her kids, but that's only been two days out of the past month. But one thing I have decided to do is get really serious about my photography and develop my hobby into a paying hobby. I enrolled in a course that will help me flesh out my ideas on photography as well as maybe some other freelance ideas I have floating around. I'm very excited, though it was a little scary to let go of some money to do it. But this is an investment in myself, and since I know very little about business and entrepreneurship and freelancing, I expect to learn a lot and get my money's worth.

Ramit.

Being new to VA, and the economy being what it is, I am not currently employed outside the home. So what am I doing? Tonight, I watched Ramit Sethi from iwillteachyoutoberich.com talk about earning $1k on the side. Considering I would like to be able to make some money from home, I learned quite a bit from this webcast. I never considered it before, but the psychology of it all is really interesting. Consider this: if you're offering a service, in order to sell it, how do you do it? Especially someone like me, who didn't do one shred of business or marketing in college. Answer: you get inside their heads. "Their" being customers. So let's take photos. You know I like to dabble in photography. I'm learning Photoshop, and I'm taking lots of pictures and have a few Scott Kelby books. If I want to make a business out of selling my services as a photographer, what do I need to do? I need to get inside peoples' heads. What do they want? When I have that information, then I provide the service.

It's not rocket science. We'll see how I do with my possible ideas. Stay tuned. And Ramit, nice job tonight. You are really cocky, but if you weren't, it just wouldn't work.

Welcome One, Welcome All.

For those of you who are new, hello! So am I. Not new to blogging, but new to this blog. Previously, I had a blog while I lived in Sarajevo, Bosnia & Herzegovina, but now I have moved to Virginia, so this is my new blog. Primarily, this site will be to keep my peeps up to date on life in the Shenandoah Valley, and it may ebb and flow to include this and that. I just don't know what my fingers have in store for me or you. You can expect pictures, as living near mountains will make me click click click. Come along for the view!