2.28.2010

And just like that, a post.

On top of a post. How about that?

Writing certainly is cathartic. As soon as something is up and out on paper, it makes room for other thoughts.

A week or so ago, I reactivated my Netflix account. We'd deactivated it a few months ago due to the move and not having enough time to enjoy movies, but last week decided that we could start the streaming movies again. John enjoys 30 Rock, while I started with season one of Deadliest Catch. I'd seen other seasons, but the first three I missed.

This was one "reality show" that I never in a million years thought I'd like. I don't eat fish or crustaceans of any kind, so the idea of watching crab fishermen catch snow crab (also known as king crab) or opilio crab never entered my stream of consciousness. I knew that people fished for them, but I had no idea what really goes on to get these things. And I didn't really care. But I do like boats, and my family grew up on lakes in Iowa (man made, of course), and one of my earliest memories is tipping over a catamaran and getting stuck under part of it and thinking, Wow, that was fun. Maybe it wouldn't have been if we didn't practice water safety and my Garfield life vest wasn't strapped on, but I was floating and had no problems. So one day, when I flipped through channels and saw guys who looked a little like crab in their orange coats and pants get pummeled with waves, I was intrigued. And then I was hooked.

My favorite boat is the Northwestern. It took awhile to figure out my favorite boat because they're all great (Cornelia Marie, Wizard, and Time Bandit whose captain Johnathan reminds me of my sister's fiance, plus many other boats in different seasons), but the comraderie on the Northwestern is what I really like to see. There are three brothers, Sig (captain), Edgar (deck boss/engineer), and Norman (deckhand but not on all the time). Sig is pretty matter of fact and even-keeled. Edgar is a little edgier, and quite sarcastic. Both really enjoy their jobs. They have two other deckhands, Matt and Nick, and a greenhorn-turned-deckhand, Jake. Jake's goal the entire season was to get a Northwestern jacket. He "worked the rail" (threw the hook that gets the line to bring in the pots) in his long underwear after losing a bet to Sig. He tried to eat a heart from a fish after Edgar did it. He lost his lunch. But at the end of the season, he got the jacket off of Sig's back, and it was really nice to watch. Jake was so happy that he hugged Sig. Now, Sig is not the touchy-feely type with his guys. He never shakes the hand of a greenhorn, so to be hugged, and to reciprocate, was very touching to watch, and it reminded me of what I don't have: a dad.

My father was rough around the edges, to say the least. He was a Marine, having been stationed in Okinawa. (I credit both him and my mom for my sense of adventure and travel.) He was a high-school dropout who earned his GED. He was a truck driver. He was a foundry worker. He was a houseparent for adults with MR/DD. He was an alcoholic. Early in my life, I didn't really notice his alcoholism, but as I got older, I saw signs. I became happy when he was a truck driver and gone for long periods of time and it was just me and my mom. I dreaded weekends because he would drown himself in Old Spice and gold chains and go out with friends and come home swearing and obnoxious. More than once I woke up to fights between he and Mom. Very few times was he a happy drunk, but when he was, he was entertaining. Charismatic. Christmastime was magical. He would have the lights dimmed (we had dimmers everywhere), the tree would be sparkling with its starry lights and tons of tinsel to hide the bare spots, Ray Conniff Singers playing on the record player, and egg nog with rum? (I'm guessing). I loved him.

Watching Deadliest Catch, I see parts of my dad in these guys: hard-working. Crusty. Determined to make a living (although my dad spent most of what he made). Sometimes funny. And those are the parts that I miss.

My dad and I had a parting of ways when I was 17, not long after my mother died. Call it what you will, but from that moment on, I felt like an orphan. There was a time when my dad tried to initiate contact, but at tat time, he was on Wife #5 and hadn't tried to communicate with me at all while I was in college and really could've used some help, so I held a grudge. Later, when I heard he was diagnosed with lung cancer, I wrote him a long letter, which was returned with a hateful letter and all of my school pictures growing up. He died a week before Christmas in 2006. I normally don't think about him, or have any regrets because I said what I needed to say when I needed to say it. But watching these guys with their families and deckhands at the end of the season, when they all say hello and goodbye, I missed him. I miss his whiskers (what I called his beard) tickling my cheek. I miss his protectiveness. I miss his piano skills (he could really play, and the piano is one instrument I picked up only in college except for dabbling on his keyboard). I miss boating and learning how to train our dogs. I miss his black lunch box that he took to work, sometimes without a Hostess cherry pie because he gave it to me. On certain occasions, I could tell he was proud of me, and I miss that. I miss being a daughter. Even though we said our goodbyes a long time ago, I still grieve for what's never been: an adult daughter with her father. It's funny that feelings would be stirred up by a show I never thought I would come to adore.

Content and content.

I read a lot of blogs. They run the gamut, between a frugal guy and an Indian guy trying to teach people how to be rich. From a guy who writes about just about anything to a lady who talks about couponing. Career advice here and here. Bicycle riding in Alaska. Nurse follies and stories that make me laugh and wish that when I have to go to the hospital, I get this chick. Old stories about Russia and certain billboards in KC thanks to Meesha. Dan and his beer. Cara and her wit and sharp tongue. Pom and her Beebs. What do all of these blogs have in common?

Content.

In an age where personal branding is the latest catchphrase, perhaps unbeknownst to them, they all have a personal brand - Logtar is introspective. Jill is a cyclist-turned-mountain-climber at present who takes beautiful landscape pictures. Ramit is an in-your-face guy who takes no prisoners when it comes to teaching people about money. They all have content. When you go to their blog, you know what you're going to get. That's one reason they're all successful bloggers and have an audience.

My last blog had a lot of great content (yes, that's me, tooting my own horn). I started it, intending to keep people who were Stateside up-to-date on my latest adventures while living in Sarajevo. It had a purpose, and others found it and I made some new friends (who are incidentally back in Sarajevo for the time being, and I'm quite green). But as of late, with this new blog, I've hit a bit of a roadblock. What should my content be? What should my personal brand be? What do I want people to think when they think of my blog?

But this goes further than the blog. This personal branding business is affecting my life. I have been in Virginia for two months now, and for two months, I have been out of work. There is a recession going on, I get that. And right now, we're lucky that I'm not forced to work a job I hate just so I have a paycheck (though with the veterinary bills the past two months, a job would have really been nice). There have been some jobs that look interesting to me, so I apply. But one job I applied for had 200 applicants. In a town of 47,000 people where 20,000 are college students, there don't seem to be too many jobs. So I fret a little, but I understood the deal when we moved. But not having a job, while freeing, also makes it difficult to write here - what do I write about? Will a potential employer find me and therefore decide not to hire me because of what or how I write? What do I want people to know about me? What do I want them to think of when they think of me? Should I attempt a freelance sort of business and forget the business world?

This all leads to not feeling content, and not having content. If I can't figure out what my personal brand is on my own blog, can I really get a job, even though I have fantastic skills? Especially when competing with people who have more experience and/or advanced degrees?

I intend to post pictures, but right now, snow is what we've got. It's boring and not crisp. I can't get into the mountains yet to do some exploring. I want to be somewhat personal, but can't figure out where to draw the line. I'm not an expert in any one thing except worrying. So what the hell do I write about? I'm afraid it's just going to have to be random, and you're going to have to bear with me. I feel like I'm still in my winter slumber, just starting to wake up, and I'm getting hungry.

2.06.2010

More from the east.

Please send sun.

Out the front door:

The drift on the side of our drive.

Neighbor's car:

Me doing battle. Don't I look a bit stuffy? John's snow pants came in handy.


Windy and wet snow today. We are 28 hours into a 40 hour storm. 12 more to go!

2.05.2010

Hunkered Down.

Here in the Shenandoah Valley, we are getting pummeled with snow. Both John and I have gone out and shoveled our drive today, he this afternoon and me this evening. Wet snow. Heavy on bottom, light on top...kinda like how some people are built. I think by now we've probably had about 9 inches of snow, and when you don't have to drive in it, it's very pretty. It was about 31 degrees outside when I shoveled, so I didn't even bother wearing a coat (I also couldn't find my ski coat). Tomorrow will be much colder, and the storm isn't supposed to let up until tomorrow night. Anyway, here are some time-lapse photos taken of the snow on our deck.

9 am:


12 pm:
1 pm:
2 pm:
3 pm:I took a nap.

5 pm:
This is after the deck has been shoveled. 8 pm:
I cranked up the heat to 67, just in case we lose power. It's a sauna upstairs! And now, time for bed.

2.03.2010

It's going to snow. Again!

Well, we missed the big storm in December that dropped 20 inches on my new city. Over the weekend, we got about 6 inches of snow. Then it started melting, which was nice. Yesterday, we got a few more inches, which was not so nice, but the roads are pretty clear today. School still got canceled, and there aren't many people out. I was told that this weekend, thanks to the Texas storm, we're supposed to get hit with 14 inches of snow. Would this be a good time to get out of dodge and head to KC?!

We have most of our provisions set. We could use some more milk, but I can get that today after I pick up the hubby from work. Rewind needs a refill of his eye drops. I tell ya, the vet would NEVER believe that he lets me pick his eye boogers out of his crusty eye so he can open it. He's that patient with me. It's taken time to develop the trust, but once he realizes what I'm doing isn't hurting, he's just fine with it. And here I was, ready to cut my nails, but it turns out they come in handy for this job. (And yes, I think it's rather gross, but I also think baby poop is gross, but you deal with it, yes? Yes.)

And speaking of jobs, I am still jobless, and going less crazy about it. It's nice to be home. I'm here when the maintenance people come. I get my packages from UPS right away. Sometimes I even greet the mailman. Of course, I get to hear the screaming lady who sounds like a chicken when she yells at her kids, but that's only been two days out of the past month. But one thing I have decided to do is get really serious about my photography and develop my hobby into a paying hobby. I enrolled in a course that will help me flesh out my ideas on photography as well as maybe some other freelance ideas I have floating around. I'm very excited, though it was a little scary to let go of some money to do it. But this is an investment in myself, and since I know very little about business and entrepreneurship and freelancing, I expect to learn a lot and get my money's worth.